Indulge Yourself in a Wildly Extravagant Meal - Philip Zinn, Western Colorado CO
The door closed behind us and we were left staring into an eerily lit hallway. Feeling slightly like Charlie in Willy Wonka's factory, I timidly ventured down the increasingly narrow space, Joy and Heather following close behind. As I approached the lilac glow, I realized that the depth was an illusion created by the angular panels and that there was nowhere left to go. Just as I glanced back questioningly, the door to the left slid open like a special effect on Star Trek. "Welcome to Alinea."
It was as though we had stepped out of a limousine, and they were waiting just for us. The hostess asked for my name while the others removed our coats; then, they guided us past a winding staircase into a slightly small, yet very elegant room.
We were seated at the center table. A young man approached, sporting a skinny suit, black rimmed glasses, and purposely long, shellacked hair. His name was Andrew and he would be our host for the evening. Steady and slightly severe, he verified that we would be encountering the 12 course Tasting Menu and then turned our attention to the center piece for the evening which was 3 flags constructed out of what looked to be rice paper infused with tiny flowers. After covering housekeeping items like drinks and food allergies, responding "Perfect," to every answer we gave, he was off and we were left to anticipate the first arrival.Amused and slightly nervous, I settled into my rounded back chair, resting my elbows in the half moon cutouts. The decor was very simple, yet thoughtful. The interior of my chair matched the muted yellow wall, selectively filled with unframed, dramatic art. This contrasted beautifully against the dark, rich tables and plush bench to our right. The bench stretched the width of the room, facing inward toward several smaller tables and their accompanying chairs. Above it, equally as wide, was a large window, its ledge enhanced with large, cylinder vases, frosted and filled with very striking and exotic floral arrangements. Everything was very clean and exact from the lighting down to the way our napkins were folded. Nothing here was done by mistake.
Andrew and two others entered with the first course and laid it down on what looked to be some sort of preparatory desk on the opposite side of the room. After a couple minutes, they emerged with little pillows that they placed in front of us, along with a single spoon. After this almost choreographed movement, they returned to the desk and back into what mildly reminded me of a football huddle. This ritual would continue for the rest of the evening.
I looked across at my friends, and gave them an encouraging and maybe even apologetic, smile. I knew Joy and Heather from work. When I asked them to share in this dining experience, I had teased that they were the only friends I had that could afford it. The truly amusing irony is that they had two of the most finicky stomachs of anyone I knew. Both were such troopers to even attempt what we had in store.
Andrew must have signaled, "Break!" because they were moving into position. They carefully and deliberately laid course #1 in front of each of us. Silently my mind whispered, "Here we go."
#1 Steelhead Roe, plaintain, ginger, papaya
In the center of a slanted bowl there was what looked to be a miniature glass sculpture. Andrew in very careful and exact words explained that it was hand-harvested roe with papaya and cilantro, encased in a nutmeg cocoon; the white and yellow dollops on the side were mango and plantain reductions. As instructed, I lightly tapped the cocoon and the walls shattered down into this colorful medley. Curiously, I scooped a bit of each element onto my spoon, and took a bite. The flavor was spicy, sweet and salty all at once. I was pleased with the combination of roe and papaya, but wasn't sure about the crunchy bits of sugar. I glanced at my brave coworkers. Luckily Joy, who is NOT a fan of fish eggs, was still on board.#2 Distillation of Thai flavors
Next they presented us with a single, long-stemmed, glass containing a clear liquid. It looked quite ordinary in contrast to the art we had just eaten. After he assured us that it wasn't vodka, Andrew bid us to smell the bouquet and then down the liquid like a shot. We each raised our glasses. It was nothing I had ever smelled before; the scents were one and separate at the same time. Heather took the plunge first, then Joy, and then me. The smooth solution washing down the back of my throat can only be described as "liquid flavor." The combination of lemon grass, fish sauce, and chilies was light and reviving; water seemed heavy and clunky by comparison.#3 Pork Belly, curry, cucumber, limeAfter allowing the distillation to sit in our mouths for a bit, the servers brought out a frosted rectangular platter with cucumber balls, coconut shavings, and other various tidbits. I stared at the tiny portions, silently hoping that this wasn't the actual course.
Gratefully, Andrew had us remove the frosted platter, revealing a brown board with two metal pieces bordering a carved out center.
We removed the metal pieces and hooked them together to form a cradle. Then, Andrew and the other two servers took our flag center pieces and delicately laid the rice paper over the metal frame, creating a basket for the pork belly,(chicken for Heather), filling.
From there, we chose items from the platter to complete the dish. I added some garlic chips, lime, red onions, herbs and the basil seeds. We all cinched up the sides of the rice paper and approached it from the side, much like a taco. The rice paper was very tender and gave way easily, allowing the warm, creamy, pork belly to topple into my mouth. I think that all three of us agreed this course was the best so far.A side note about Heather's chicken: I was very impressed with Alinea's willingness to work with our diet restrictions. They were catering to a nut allergy, pork allergy and lactose intolerance, and yet they handled all of this without so much as a flinch.
#4 Lobster parfait, salad, soup
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You know the wonderful foam that you get when you use a lot of bubble bath? Well, that's what appeared to be coming out of our next course. The dish was a dome with a divot on top, and in the divot was a combination of lobster crackers, lobster parsnip pudding, grapefruit, pistachio ice cream, and poppy seed foam. The poppy seed foam was like eating air: virtually tasteless. But where the foam lacked in flavor, the pudding made up for it. The pudding was quite salty and while the ice cream worked to diffuse some of that intensity as well as connect it to the sour grapefruit, I’m not sure if any of us fully embraced the concept.
After we finished the parfait, our waiters removed the outer shell to reveal an inner bowl holding a colorful salad. They poured steaming hot lobster soup into the dish, and it drained through five slits, awakening the Chi nestled below. As I nibbled on the lobster, eggplant and mung bean sprouts, the vapors from the bottom of the bowl escaped, surrounding me with a rich aroma. The lobster was very tender, like little wrapped bursts of flavor and I have to say the mung bean was a meaty surprise.For the last stage of course #4, they revealed the bottom layer, and strained the marinating brew into a glass. The Chi gave the the salty cream a Christmassy touch and I quite enjoyed the way the rich broth curved up around the back of my tongue and lingered there.
#5 Sturgeon, potato, leek, smoke
A cascade of edible ribbons unraveled down the platter of course #5; one strand was made of celery and the other two were completely beyond my imagination. Andrew informed us that the aerated and crispy ribbon, defying gravity, was a glorified potato chip, and the pink, almost translucent ribbons were smoked apple skins. Hiding beneath this spiraling caravan, were little cubes of sturgeon and apple, garnished with crouton crumbles and radish slices. I stacked my fork with a variety of combinations, each wrapped in the tangy ribbon. A little sweet for my taste, but it was definitely interesting. #6 Shad Roe, shallot, mustard, bay aroma
A very small, yet heavy disk was set in front of each of us. We looked at each other, wondering what kind of a course could fit on something a little larger than a silver dollar. In minutes our question was answered with the arrival of a metal stand holding a leafy branch sprouting from a tempura bulb. The base of the stand, which was actually a beheaded wire whisk, latched on magnetically to the silver disk. With the fragrant bay branch teasing my nostrils, I consumed the fried morsel in one bite. It was like a bacon flavored marshmallow, crunchy tempura dissolving into an explosion of bacon-wrapped chad roe, with subtle hints of spicy mustard and pickled shallots. The smiles around the table verified this was definitely our favorite so far.# 7 Filet De Boeuf, godard
This "Antique Concept Dish" was the only course not created by Alinea chef, Grant Achatz; he borrowed the recipe from french chef, Auguste Escoffier, who lived in the early 20th century. To fully embody the time period, the course was served on antique china with silver utensils, and paired with Burgundy wine (Sarsaparilla for me) in crystal goblets. The plate was sparsely symmetrical and slightly intimidating. After suspiciously eyeing the 6 bites for a couple minutes, I took a swig of the smokey sarsaparilla and started with 12 o'clock.12 o'clock, Beef Bone Marrow: While this had a hardy wonderful flavor, I had issues with the meat literally dissolving in my mouth.
2 o'clock, Braised Cocks Comb: Let's be clear. Cocks Comb is the CREST on the HEAD of a ROOSTER! This little flap was slightly gelatinous, and I couldn't take more than one bite.
4 o'clock, Ox Tongue: The idea that I was eating tongue slightly unnerved me, but really, it just tasted like finely shredded beef.
6 o'clock, Veil Sweet Bread: This fancy crouton was refreshingly sweet and flaky and almost worth the guilt that I felt about eating veil.
8 o'clock, Mushroom Truffle: The busy texture had a dark, earthy flavor that somehow tasted familiar; considering how much these little dollops cost I doubt that was possible.
10 o'clock, Fluted Mushroom: This little button was packed with a deep, slightly fermented punch.
The beef tenderloin was definitely the highlight. The perfectly cooked meat, topped with thinly sliced carrots was worth all the rest....Cock's Comb and all.
#8 Hot Potato, cold potato, black truffle, butter
We left 1903 behind and jumped right back into 2010 with a very non-traditional dish. The servers brought out a bowl barely the size of my palm filled with chilled potato soup. Suspended above the bowl was a needle kabob consisting of a chilled cube of butter, Parmesan cheese, and a hot scooped potato topped with a black truffle. After careful instruction from Andrew, I pulled the needle, causing the contents to plunge into the cool liquid. I then slurped the entire thing like an oyster straight off a half-shell. My mouth was instantly conquered by the contrast of flavors and more importantly: the temperatures. #9 Duck, morels, English peas, chamomileThe next dish was a calmer presentation. The duck was floating in chamomile bubble bath with orange and pea bath toys. Sadly, I didn't take a picture, and we had been there about 3 and 1/2 hours, so my memory is a little fuzzy.
I do, however, remember the goose liver.
Heather wouldn't even try it, and I could hardly blame her. It didn't look very appetizing, what with its translucent lumpiness and all, but I had promised myself I would try everything. As my teeth barely grazed the exterior, it dissolved like it never existed in the first place....and not in a good way. Sadly, somehow I doubt I'll need a picture to remember that.
# 10 Black Truffle explosion, romaine, Parmesan
They brought out another miniature bowl, with a hollowed center, and delicately laid a spoon balancing a single raviolo, in the middle. We were instructed to put the entire pillow in our mouths and bite down. This course required true commitment. There was no nibble to see if you liked it; it was either all or nothing. All three of us, scooped up the raviolo, pursed our lips and chomped. Instantly a flood of bitter juice exploded in my mouth, coating my tongue, teeth and throat. Looking over at Joy's face, it was evident she was NOT impressed, but sadly, all she could do was swallow. For any of you who are wondering if this blog entry will ever end, that's how we felt at this point. We had been at Alinea for almost four hours, and had long since lost count of what course we were on. As they brought over the our smallest course yet, I think we all silently prayed it was the last one.
#11 Bacon, butterscotch, apple, thyme.
A single strip of bacon was delivered dangling on a see-saw contraption. 
Joy, who couldn't have pork or dairy, was given a serving of spicy peanut butter. 
Because Heather couldn't have pork, they presented her with a type of cheese on a pedestal. My bacon tied up in butterscotch and apple ribbon, reminded me of a trapeze artist. I yanked downward to remove it from its "tightrope" and consumed the entire sweet and salty crisp in two bites.
Now, at the risk of being tacky, I feel that I must give some mention to the bathroom. The hostess opened the door, and I entered into a room bathed in soft lighting and a pleasant floral scent. Everything up until then was perfection and the bathroom was no exception from the fresh cut flowers to creased corners on the toilet paper rolls. I tossed a Kleenex into the empty wastebasket and washed my hands in the emaculate sink. As I tossed the fluffy hand towel into the towel bin, which was also empty, I thought if any bathroom was ever clean enough to eat in, it was this bathroom.
When I returned to my seat, I was given a fresh napkin and we resumed the menu. Alinea will only serve the course if the entire party is present.
#12 Earl Grey, lemon, pine nut, caramelized white chocolate.
Finally it was time for desert! White, aroma-filled pillows were set in front of us. As we breathed in the sweet Earl Grey vapors, a glass platter, lavished with Earl Grey cookies, lemon curd, and what could have been chow mien noodles, was laid on top. The Earl Grey cookies were delightfully dense and chewy and the hint of spice mixed well with the tartness of the lemon curd. The chow mien noodles turned out to be caramelized white chocolate that dissolved almost instantly in my mouth...in a good way this time. As I lingered on every bite, the weight of the platter slowly forced the air out of the pillow, embracing me with its heavenly scent.#13 Chocolate, coconut, menthol, hyssopAll dishes were cleared from the table and they rolled out a specialized cloth. One of the main chefs emerged from the kitchen and lined the far end of our table with
ingredients that would eventually serve as his palette. First he placed a bottomless cylinder in front of each of us and filled it about a half an inch with chocolate. He then proceeded to create a Pollack painting out of vanilla and menthol cream, chewy drops of coconut, cookie crumbles and frozen coconut milk. For some drama, he broke up a couple large hunks of freeze dried chocolate mousse, instantly covering the table in smokey vapors. To complete the painting, he removed the cylinders, revealing the now solidified chocolate disks. Even though we'd been eating for five hours, we had no trouble ravishing this edible art; however, for the most part I steered clear from the menthol. When I'm eating chocolate, I don't want to be reminded of cough drops.#14 Bubble Gum, long pepper, hibiscus, creme fraiche
Our final course looked like what I imagined desert would look like in the future. We were presented with a test tube filled with three different layers and instructed to suck in one go. I expected it to have a fruity/jello consistency, but I was wrong. The top layer was fruity, but subtle, and the bottom layer is what bubble gum dreams of being. Afterwards we found out that the deep red top layer was hibiscus seeds; the white layer, creme fraiche; and the pink layer, tapioca flavored with bubble gum stock. Yes, you read that right: Bubble. Gum. Stock.
Well, 5 hours and 12 + courses later, Heather,Joy and I collected our confused but satisfied stomachs and waddled out the door. I couldn't help but giggle at the fact that I had just finished eating and it was time for bed. I felt a tremendous appreciation for these ladies who would give up their time and a significant wad of cash to join me in the Alinea experience. I say experience, because Alinea was so much more than the "molecular gastronomy" we had consumed. Every stage of the dinner was filled with maticulous details, and as evident, from the embroidered logo on the lint-free napkins that we wiped our mouths on, no detail was too small.
After bidding Joy farewell, Heather and I hailed a cab. During the ride, I reflected on that embroidered logo. Andrew told us it was the top portion of the precursor symbol which is used in writing to indicate a new line of thought.
I smiled. Alinea chef Grant Achatz "new" thoughts on food, make my dinner creations look prehistoric.
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